just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
