Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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