i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
