i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
