you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
