Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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