i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
