My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
