Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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