lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
