You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
