No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
