Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
