dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
