I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
