i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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