All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
