i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
