I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Semen is not good for contacts.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
