I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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