woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
