Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
