Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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