Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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