All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I skipped work to stalk him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
