Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
