She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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