Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
