the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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