my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
