Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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