Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
