It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
