also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
