ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
