Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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