He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
