Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
