Tell her she can't have a vagina
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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