He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
