It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
