he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Floor bacon is actually really good
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
