I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
