what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
