i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
