i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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