I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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