Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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