Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
