Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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